Worry

Does the worrying ever end? I have been anxious all day after finding out John is doing radiation and chemo together. It scares the daylights out of me. I just don't want him to get sick and give up on it. I am continuing to pray for his strength daily. This is going to be the worst thing he has gone through or could imagine going through. I just wish I could be at his side as he struggles.

I slept for a while after work because I just feel exhausted. When Chad walked in I just started crying, then I would laugh at myself for crying for nothing in particular, then I would cry, and so on. I am pretty sure he thinks I am nuts!

After I got over the crying I called Dad to see if he is feeling better. He went back to work last week and got a really bad infection in his leg. He hasn't been feeling well at all.

He met with the surgeon yesterday about removing the tissue in his thigh. The new scans show that the nerve going down his leg now has cancer. If they must remove the nerve he will have to lose half his leg. If he kept the leg he would wear a brace daily and have to drag his foot to walk. Since he wouldn't feel his foot at all, if he got cut or an infection he would have no idea. This could turn into something much more serious. They haven't come out and said they will be removing his leg, but it doesn't sound hopeful to keep it. He is meeting with a plastic surgeon tomorrow. If they do remove half of the leg the plastic surgeon is going to take muscle and tissue from his calf and put it into his leg so that he has mass. He will also even out the skin and get rid of all the scar tissue. This should make it more comfortable for Dad.

Of course, Dad and I both cried while he told me this news. I held out until I heard his voice crack. I just can't stand hearing any of the strong men in my life cry. It makes me feel out of control. If they are worried, then it must be bad. In the last two weeks I have heard/seen all three of them (Chad, Dad, and John) cry. I am pretty sure my Grandpa even teared up when we spoke last weekend. It gives me a terrible feeling in my gut. I know God is the real one in control and I totally trust him. I still like to pretend I can control situations :)

Please pray for my brother, my dad, my husband, my mom, my sister-in-law, my family, me. We are all dealing with this in a different way and we all need different things. God knows what we need, please ask him to give it to us.

My brother needs strength and salvation. My dad needs strength for his next suregery and peace with the decision. My husband needs to know what to do with his emotions and how to be constructive with his faith. My mom needs patients with others and hope for herself. My sister-in-law needs rest and strength to continue to live for my brother during this time. My whole family needs peace and the best way to show compassion for all of us immediate family members, and I need patience with others, as well. I do not have patience for negativity or rudeness. I especially need this at work with my boss. I also need peace knowing that God is taking care of my family and it's all in His hands.

This is just my opinion of what we need and I know we need much more than this small list. I thank each of you for anything you will pray for us.