Surprise!!

Last weekend was great. I got to spend Friday night, Saturday night, and part of Sunday with my brother. I loved seeing him happy, playing cards, and hanging out with family and friends. It was just like the old days. Sunday I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with them, John was really tired from the weekend events, but just knowing he was there felt great!! It was bitter sweet. It was great having John and Cat home to see whenever I pleased, but seeing them leave was one of the hardest thing I have done in a while. It generally doesn’t affect me when they leave. With John being sick, it’s hard to see him go, I don’t know when the next time I will be seeing him is. That’s hard! I think a lot of you would agree, we all want them to move home. All of the love and support they get from us would be greater if they were here to feel it more. I miss my best friend.

I have been sick for the last few weeks, from my crohn’s. The stress has really gotten to me. In this time I have realized that my house does not have to be perfect and spotless every time someone walks in the door. I don’t have a lot of energy and I would rather spend it sitting at the kitchen table with my husband while he has dinner, than vacuuming and mopping every day. I keep the house picked up, but spotless is not necessary. I will get to the dusting, when I feel like it. We live in our home and I don’t have to be ashamed of that. It’s a relief to be able to do this, I don’t have to worry about being perfect and I love it. Side note – Chad hasn’t noticed one bit. I really think I only did it for myself!

Our lovely neighbors were a HUGE stress relief yesterday. I got home from work, ready to clean, and to my surprise Nicole and baby Tyler were in their front yard. I gave up the cleaning and went to sit under their tree and talk for a bit. It felt great! We decided that when the guys got home we were going to go on a walk. We went our separate ways, ate dinner, I cleaned a little, and we met back in the driveway for a little stroll. Walking with these two is not the same as just Chad and I. They know EVERYONE! It’s hilarious. We really enjoy their company and I know it’s good for us to get out there with great people. It always leaves us feeling better when we are with them.

We have a lot of plans for this weekend and I pray my crohn’s doesn’t screw it up. We plan to do a lot of landscaping in the backyard. Once the backyard is done I am transporting the plants from the front to the back. I don’t know exactly what I will do in the front, but hopefully it’s better than it is now. The plants I have upfront are just not right for the space. I can’t wait to get our house DONE! I mean landscaping, painting, decorating. We have been here three years and it’s still not finished, it drives me nuts!! We want to get the landscape done before it gets too hot. This summer on the too hot days, when you don’t want to go outside, we plan on finishing the painting. My official goal is to have everything completed by Thanksgiving, when Chad’s mom will be coming to town for the first time 1.5 years.

Please pray for my brother, dad, mom, Chad, Cat, and me. We need all the support we can get.

If you hang out with garbage, you start smelling like trash..

I have a small addiction to trashy reality TV. I don't have a lot of drama in my life and I guess I get my fix on TV. I am not so proud of this. I really like the Real Housewives series. My husband tells me to stop watching it, that I am the reason it's still on TV. If I and all the stupid people in the country quit watching it, they will not produce it any more. He's correct, because a lot of these woman are not positive influences in our lives. They are full of drama, hate, and crude remarks. One of them, on Real Housewives of New Jersey, really got me this weekend. The episode hasn't even aired yet, I saw this on a preview and it made me think. Caroline said "If you hang out with garbage, you start smelling like trash". I am not sure that's the exact quote, but that's what sticks out in my mind. It's definitely true. If you hang around negative people, you will be negative. I know I will struggle with this, but I will try to not be a negative influence on anyone in my life. I will try to refrain from gossip, venting, or just being mean. I will do what I am called to do, love others as I am loved.

I started today the way I start everyday. Get up, feed the dog, get ready for work, pray. I pray every morning, I need God to guide me all day, every day. Today started off negative. I am generally not a negative person. I am happy and like to see everyone else happy too. As my family struggles with everything we are going through I find it a good way to keep myself grounded. Why be miserable all the time. If I cried and was grumpy every time I went to see Dad or talked to John, how would that help them? I have made it my mission to be upbeat and happy at all times with them.

A coworker came in my office this morning, the first thing out of my mouth was (almost) negative. I was going to talk about someone in the office that bothers me. I can't even remember the situation (shows how important it was). I thought to myself first, why bring her down? She seems like she is in a good mood. I believe that one negative comment could have changed the whole atmosphere in the office. If I had said something negative, then it may make her a little grumpy, then she could do that to someone else, and so on. Why would I want that to start with me. Is that who I am? I am supposed to be a leader for God. I am supposed to mimick, all day, what a Christian is supposed to be.

So to the people I have offended, I am sorry. For the people I gossip to, I am sorry. For the people I have brought down to my level in the past, I am sorry. This is my past and I will pray everyday to have this NOT be my future. I am better than this and I can't beat it.

Worst Joke

Today as I was speaking with a co-worker he said something that most of us probably would have said. It made me realize that each of us need to pay more attention to what we say to eachother. He said "I am dying of cell phone cancer". Well the words dying and cancer are not funny to me, especially when put together. I was not offended or mean to him, as some people may have been. I laughed it off, because I know I have probably said something that insensitive to others, without thinking. Each of us need to challenge ourselves to think before we talk. The saying "Be slow to speak and quick to listen" needs to be in the front of all of our minds.

This has been a hard week on me. At the end of last week Chad, my mom, and I traveled to visit my brother. This trip was difficult. I guess I didn't know just how difficult it was until I got home. I know I teared up a few times when we were there on Thursday, especially when I went to the "doctor" with my brother. He seemed frail and that's not the brother I know. I know his body is going through a lot right now and I expected what I saw, it just hit me sitting in that office. It's a good thing I had sunglasses on! I had fun playing games and hanging out with John when he felt up to it. I caught up on a lot of sleep while John was not feeling so well. It wasn't an eventful trip, but it meant a lot to me. Once I got home I realized how much I miss being around my brother. Even when he is so sick, we have fun together. We can still make each other smile and laugh even through the hard times.

I want to update everyone on my mother in law. The mass they found in her breast ended up being nothing to worry about. Huge PRAISE for that! She is doing very well and we couldn't be happier.

Chad is an amazing husband. He fought his fear of flying and took that trip with me. He loves my brother and as soon as he heard John say he wanted Chad to come too he was taking time off and booking a flight. Chad is so calm about everything. If John wants to share, Chad will listen. Chad doesn't push for information, like us girls did. I think John appreciates that. Chad treats him normal and I KNOW he needs that.

Chad and I have been through so much the last couple weeks with my dad having surgery, visiting my brother, worrying about his mom, and me being sick (of course, I get a flare up the day we are leaving for Orlando). I don't know how I could make it through all of this without him by my side. I could never repay him for the love and support he has always shown me through my families illnesses. I have saved and saved the past few weeks and have made reservations to take Chad to his favorite restaurant - St. Elmo's. He deserves so much more, but I am happy that I can at least do that for him. He has been my rock for the last 5 years and I could never repay that. I just pray God keeps giving Chad patience to deal with my sickness, loss of energy, and emotions dealing with my dad and brother.

As I always do, I am ending asking for prayer. My dad and brother both need strength, determination, and healing to get through this time. I also pray for healing for myself as I need to get healthy to help out my boys! Prayer for my mom to stay strong. Prayer for Chad to continue possessing this great patience he has with me and the love he shows me everyday. Prayers for all our family and friends to keep showing us your love and devotion. It's amazing to see how much we mean to each of you and I can't think everyone enough for their prayers and love!