Holidays have been weighing on my mind very heavily lately. I know it's because of all the sickness in my family right now. I just hate that we can't spend every second of every holiday with each of our family members. I can't even remember the last time I spent a holiday with my brother. I haven't seen him on an actual holiday since he moved from Indiana. It breaks my heart to think that the last Christmas ever spent with my brother being healthy could have been over four years ago and I didn't even know it. I don't even remember it. I can't treasure the memory of it.
I hate to think that something could happen to one of our parents and we don't see them on each holiday either. It's so hard that all of our parents don't get along. I have always thought when we got married we would have all day events for holidays at our house with each of Chad's parents and each of my parents with all of our siblings (real and step) coming in and out all day. I know we all have different personalities, but we can't put our differences aside for the happiness of eachother. Again, it breaks my heart. I try to have a Thanksgiving tradition with my mom, because she spends each Thanksgiving home alone. Our tradition is the Monday after Thanksgiving. It hurts me to know she is there alone, not even eating turkey. Last year, it broke Chad and I's heart to know that his dad was all alone on Thanksgiving. My dad did invite him over, but he didn't make it. He did get to go to dinner with his sister. We have come up with a solution for his dad. Each year now, we are having his mom come into Indiana for Thanksgiving and his dad will spend the day with us and Chad's mom and stepdad. This doesn't solve the issue of seeing my parents on Thanksgiving. Neither of my parents will come over that day. One is not allowed and one will be doing their own thing and would rather not. Really, we are called a family. I just don't get it. I think everyone should take a long hard look at what's important - the petty differences or the love everyone has for Chad and I?
For Easter each year we go to church and spend about an hour to hour and half with each of our parents that are in town. That is just not enough time. Again, if we could just make a huge meal and have people in and out at their own leisure, I would be thrilled. I hate that Chad's mom isn't here to spend these holidays with us. It would be impossible for us to go there for each holiday, we wouldn't be able to see everyone else.
Back to our siblings. I know I am new to Chad's family and its always been this way, but I hate that we only see Chuck and Emily once or twice a year. I hate that we have Christmas in February. Christmas 2008 was given to their family in September 2009. How is that even possible? We never know how limited our time here is, I think we should all make a better effort to be in eachothers lives. Last time I saw Nathan he was crawling, this time he is walking and talking. How did we miss out in all of that?
I love each sides of our family and wish we could do more together. Holidays stress us out, because I want to be sure to give each parent their fair share of time. We don't get to relax, we run from house to house. It's exhausting.
Last night we found out that Chad's mom had a lump found in her breast. She goes in on Monday for a CT scan to check it out on more magnified scale. We are praying, praying that its not cancer. Please pray for a good result! I am not sure Chad and I can handle anymore bad news. Each year, we try to see Chad's mom twice a year. Last year it wasn't possible, but at Thanksgiving last year we decided to make it a priority and it will happen each year from here on out. Although she only sees us twice in a year, we are there for days at a time. I actually think all together she sees us as much in a year as our parents in town do. That's great news for her, but what's that say about Chad and I? We obviously need to make each of our parents a priority. We can go a month without seeing any of our Indy parents and if we do it's only for an hour or two at a time. Maria gets us nonstop for four or five days at a time. I am glad we have now made her a priority. I will be working on making the other three parent a priority as well.
Please pray for our family. We need to remember the forgiveness and mercy God has for us. We are called to reflect that same love and mercy onto others. I pray that each of our parents can reflect that same mercy onto eachother and at least get along for the sake of Chad and I. Please also pray that Chad and I get our priorities together and make sure our parents are high on the list. I just don't want regrets in the end...
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
A brave soldier in the war against cancer
Most of you don't know this about my dad, but he "lies". He is hilarious and "lies" about his life. He gets things from the gettin' store, he was in Vietnam, he was in all the World Wars, heck he probably has fake purple hearts stored somewhere to pull out one day and tell us he earned them. He doesn't do this to offend anyone that has really served this great country of ours. He has a deep respect for the people that have. My dad would have loved to be one of those people, both of his brothers were in the military. My dad is almost blind in one eye, so he could not join the military. He sure has more stories than both of my uncles combined. He says he was sent overseas without any basic training, because he was so tough. He was on the front line during the day, but the chef at night, because he has great cooking skills. He learned all of his cooking from the military. He is just a nut. Now that he has a 10" scar down his stomach and he is missing part of his leg, I can just hear the stories he will tell his grandkids. My heart broke when he told me that he had to have this procedure done. It makes me smile to know my kids will hear the same great "lies" I did growing up.
Last night as I walked in to see him for the first time, the anticipation almost got to me. I try to be so strong for both John and Dad, as they have been strong for me many times in my life. I kept myself together to walk in to see him. As soon as I walked in and looked at Dad the nurse pulls up the blankets and I see what's left of his leg. Of course, it's all bandaged up, but it was a very hard thing to see. It hit me like a ton of bricks.
Let's back up for a second. When the surgery was over the doctor came to tell Vicki and I how the surgery went and what to expect in the healing process. I got very nauseas and just held a heavy weight for my dad. The healing process seems terrible. I know this strong man can get through it, as he has so many other surgeries. I just wish I could take just a little bit of the pain away.
Well, back to it hitting me like a ton of bricks. I don't think it's the actual leg missing that bothers me, I think it's the pain I know Dad is feeling mentally and physically. Dad is a protector, that's HIS thing. He needs to be provider and protector. I know he can still do this, especially getting a prosthetic in the next couple months. I don't want Dad to ever feel less of a man because of this. No matter what happens he will always be my hero! He will always be my protector, mentally and physically. Physically, I know my dad will make it. He is the strongest person I have ever met. Mentally, I hope we can all help him get through this and show him what an awesome man he is.
I can't imagine what either my dad or brother are going through right now. I can't imagine being told I have cancer. CANCER, the C word, I can't think of anything worse to hear when you come out of the doctors office. One of my co-workers called the other day and asked me how my brother was doing. I was very blunt and said he isn't doing so well right now. The co-worker said, well at least it's not the C word. I felt like I fell into a million pieces. Everyone knows how terrible this disease is. I just hate it! I can't imagine knowing what it feels like to be told you have cancer, and then having to see your parent or child go through the same painful realization that you did. It makes my stomach weak just thinking about it.
My sister-in-law was the best last night. We laughed at how Dad will walk himself out of the hospital, even with one leg. She said all he needs is a stick and he can get around. I said, heck, he just needs to get a twig off the tree. He just needs it for balance. Of course, we know it's a longer road ahead of us, but it was great to hear just how strong she thinks Dad is as well.
These Goddard men hold my heart in the palms of their hands. I just hate, hate, hate this for them and wish there was something I can do. I again, feel out of control.
A friend of mine gave me an analogy that she leans on when going through hard times. I hope I can say it as well as she did. She said that we are like pottery in the hands of God. He has to mold the pottery, put it in the oven to bake, take it out and mold a little more. Then he bakes it a little longer. Every person is different in how much molding or baking is necessary, but the end result is always the same. A beautiful work of art, made by God. I look forward to when we are all beautiful pieces of art in heaven, when we get to live without disease, heartache, disasters. I can't wait to walk on the streets of gold with my friends and family!
I am trusting in the Lord with all my heart.
Last night as I walked in to see him for the first time, the anticipation almost got to me. I try to be so strong for both John and Dad, as they have been strong for me many times in my life. I kept myself together to walk in to see him. As soon as I walked in and looked at Dad the nurse pulls up the blankets and I see what's left of his leg. Of course, it's all bandaged up, but it was a very hard thing to see. It hit me like a ton of bricks.
Let's back up for a second. When the surgery was over the doctor came to tell Vicki and I how the surgery went and what to expect in the healing process. I got very nauseas and just held a heavy weight for my dad. The healing process seems terrible. I know this strong man can get through it, as he has so many other surgeries. I just wish I could take just a little bit of the pain away.
Well, back to it hitting me like a ton of bricks. I don't think it's the actual leg missing that bothers me, I think it's the pain I know Dad is feeling mentally and physically. Dad is a protector, that's HIS thing. He needs to be provider and protector. I know he can still do this, especially getting a prosthetic in the next couple months. I don't want Dad to ever feel less of a man because of this. No matter what happens he will always be my hero! He will always be my protector, mentally and physically. Physically, I know my dad will make it. He is the strongest person I have ever met. Mentally, I hope we can all help him get through this and show him what an awesome man he is.
I can't imagine what either my dad or brother are going through right now. I can't imagine being told I have cancer. CANCER, the C word, I can't think of anything worse to hear when you come out of the doctors office. One of my co-workers called the other day and asked me how my brother was doing. I was very blunt and said he isn't doing so well right now. The co-worker said, well at least it's not the C word. I felt like I fell into a million pieces. Everyone knows how terrible this disease is. I just hate it! I can't imagine knowing what it feels like to be told you have cancer, and then having to see your parent or child go through the same painful realization that you did. It makes my stomach weak just thinking about it.
My sister-in-law was the best last night. We laughed at how Dad will walk himself out of the hospital, even with one leg. She said all he needs is a stick and he can get around. I said, heck, he just needs to get a twig off the tree. He just needs it for balance. Of course, we know it's a longer road ahead of us, but it was great to hear just how strong she thinks Dad is as well.
These Goddard men hold my heart in the palms of their hands. I just hate, hate, hate this for them and wish there was something I can do. I again, feel out of control.
A friend of mine gave me an analogy that she leans on when going through hard times. I hope I can say it as well as she did. She said that we are like pottery in the hands of God. He has to mold the pottery, put it in the oven to bake, take it out and mold a little more. Then he bakes it a little longer. Every person is different in how much molding or baking is necessary, but the end result is always the same. A beautiful work of art, made by God. I look forward to when we are all beautiful pieces of art in heaven, when we get to live without disease, heartache, disasters. I can't wait to walk on the streets of gold with my friends and family!
I am trusting in the Lord with all my heart.
Monday, April 19, 2010
I am a Christian
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Worry
Does the worrying ever end? I have been anxious all day after finding out John is doing radiation and chemo together. It scares the daylights out of me. I just don't want him to get sick and give up on it. I am continuing to pray for his strength daily. This is going to be the worst thing he has gone through or could imagine going through. I just wish I could be at his side as he struggles.
I slept for a while after work because I just feel exhausted. When Chad walked in I just started crying, then I would laugh at myself for crying for nothing in particular, then I would cry, and so on. I am pretty sure he thinks I am nuts!
After I got over the crying I called Dad to see if he is feeling better. He went back to work last week and got a really bad infection in his leg. He hasn't been feeling well at all.
He met with the surgeon yesterday about removing the tissue in his thigh. The new scans show that the nerve going down his leg now has cancer. If they must remove the nerve he will have to lose half his leg. If he kept the leg he would wear a brace daily and have to drag his foot to walk. Since he wouldn't feel his foot at all, if he got cut or an infection he would have no idea. This could turn into something much more serious. They haven't come out and said they will be removing his leg, but it doesn't sound hopeful to keep it. He is meeting with a plastic surgeon tomorrow. If they do remove half of the leg the plastic surgeon is going to take muscle and tissue from his calf and put it into his leg so that he has mass. He will also even out the skin and get rid of all the scar tissue. This should make it more comfortable for Dad.
Of course, Dad and I both cried while he told me this news. I held out until I heard his voice crack. I just can't stand hearing any of the strong men in my life cry. It makes me feel out of control. If they are worried, then it must be bad. In the last two weeks I have heard/seen all three of them (Chad, Dad, and John) cry. I am pretty sure my Grandpa even teared up when we spoke last weekend. It gives me a terrible feeling in my gut. I know God is the real one in control and I totally trust him. I still like to pretend I can control situations :)
Please pray for my brother, my dad, my husband, my mom, my sister-in-law, my family, me. We are all dealing with this in a different way and we all need different things. God knows what we need, please ask him to give it to us.
My brother needs strength and salvation. My dad needs strength for his next suregery and peace with the decision. My husband needs to know what to do with his emotions and how to be constructive with his faith. My mom needs patients with others and hope for herself. My sister-in-law needs rest and strength to continue to live for my brother during this time. My whole family needs peace and the best way to show compassion for all of us immediate family members, and I need patience with others, as well. I do not have patience for negativity or rudeness. I especially need this at work with my boss. I also need peace knowing that God is taking care of my family and it's all in His hands.
This is just my opinion of what we need and I know we need much more than this small list. I thank each of you for anything you will pray for us.
I slept for a while after work because I just feel exhausted. When Chad walked in I just started crying, then I would laugh at myself for crying for nothing in particular, then I would cry, and so on. I am pretty sure he thinks I am nuts!
After I got over the crying I called Dad to see if he is feeling better. He went back to work last week and got a really bad infection in his leg. He hasn't been feeling well at all.
He met with the surgeon yesterday about removing the tissue in his thigh. The new scans show that the nerve going down his leg now has cancer. If they must remove the nerve he will have to lose half his leg. If he kept the leg he would wear a brace daily and have to drag his foot to walk. Since he wouldn't feel his foot at all, if he got cut or an infection he would have no idea. This could turn into something much more serious. They haven't come out and said they will be removing his leg, but it doesn't sound hopeful to keep it. He is meeting with a plastic surgeon tomorrow. If they do remove half of the leg the plastic surgeon is going to take muscle and tissue from his calf and put it into his leg so that he has mass. He will also even out the skin and get rid of all the scar tissue. This should make it more comfortable for Dad.
Of course, Dad and I both cried while he told me this news. I held out until I heard his voice crack. I just can't stand hearing any of the strong men in my life cry. It makes me feel out of control. If they are worried, then it must be bad. In the last two weeks I have heard/seen all three of them (Chad, Dad, and John) cry. I am pretty sure my Grandpa even teared up when we spoke last weekend. It gives me a terrible feeling in my gut. I know God is the real one in control and I totally trust him. I still like to pretend I can control situations :)
Please pray for my brother, my dad, my husband, my mom, my sister-in-law, my family, me. We are all dealing with this in a different way and we all need different things. God knows what we need, please ask him to give it to us.
My brother needs strength and salvation. My dad needs strength for his next suregery and peace with the decision. My husband needs to know what to do with his emotions and how to be constructive with his faith. My mom needs patients with others and hope for herself. My sister-in-law needs rest and strength to continue to live for my brother during this time. My whole family needs peace and the best way to show compassion for all of us immediate family members, and I need patience with others, as well. I do not have patience for negativity or rudeness. I especially need this at work with my boss. I also need peace knowing that God is taking care of my family and it's all in His hands.
This is just my opinion of what we need and I know we need much more than this small list. I thank each of you for anything you will pray for us.
Bandages and Wires
My wonderful sister-in-law is doing a great job keeping everyone updated on my brother. She is posting a blog of your own and posting pictures and stories, good and bad, for all to read. Everyone keeps telling me I will be shocked when I see my brother. I feel like I know what to expect, but am holding out for the worse. I have been around my dad at his worse, so I imagine him being along the same lines. I think people forget that I have been through this before. She posted a picture of him, I believe I inserted the picture here (pretty new at this). I didn't like seeing the bandage by his neck or the feeding tube. He doesn't look all that bad. I kind of like the facial hair! To me, the feeding tube and bandage on his neck represents illness, and I don't want to think of his as sick.
I still think of my HILARIOUS brother that I can talk about anything to, sit with for hours without saying a word, hug, cuddle, wrestle, love. I know I can still do most of these with him and trust me I plan on it in a few weeks. I want to cherish every moment I have with him during the short time I am going to be there. I don't want to have bad thoughts in my head, just soak in all the new memories we can make in his home in Orlando.
All my life I have been "an emotional" eater. I never understood people not having an appetite or throwing up under stress, maybe I just have never felt this much stress. Anytime I think of my brother or look at this picture of him I get nauseas. My brother is my best friend, Maid of Honor, and one of the greatest men I have ever met. I can't imagine my life without him. I just can't accept it.
For now I try to have all positive thoughts. I know if anyone can make it through this it's him. He has a lot to live for and I know he isn't ready to leave it all behind. He is too much in love with his young bride and has so much love to give to the world.
Please continue to pray for my brother, his wife, my family, the doctors, and his salvation.
Thanks to everyone for their support. I know sometimes I am not in a great mood, I vent to you, and just seem grumpy. Just know that I am trying to be the best I can be during this time. I worry constantly about my dad and brother. I can't imagine my life without either of these great men!
I still think of my HILARIOUS brother that I can talk about anything to, sit with for hours without saying a word, hug, cuddle, wrestle, love. I know I can still do most of these with him and trust me I plan on it in a few weeks. I want to cherish every moment I have with him during the short time I am going to be there. I don't want to have bad thoughts in my head, just soak in all the new memories we can make in his home in Orlando.
All my life I have been "an emotional" eater. I never understood people not having an appetite or throwing up under stress, maybe I just have never felt this much stress. Anytime I think of my brother or look at this picture of him I get nauseas. My brother is my best friend, Maid of Honor, and one of the greatest men I have ever met. I can't imagine my life without him. I just can't accept it.
For now I try to have all positive thoughts. I know if anyone can make it through this it's him. He has a lot to live for and I know he isn't ready to leave it all behind. He is too much in love with his young bride and has so much love to give to the world.
Please continue to pray for my brother, his wife, my family, the doctors, and his salvation.
Thanks to everyone for their support. I know sometimes I am not in a great mood, I vent to you, and just seem grumpy. Just know that I am trying to be the best I can be during this time. I worry constantly about my dad and brother. I can't imagine my life without either of these great men!
Friday, April 9, 2010
Finally admitting...
Yesterday was a very hard day for me. I just couldn’t get my mind off my brother. Every time I talked to John or Mom I just cried. I wish he was with me, I wish I could hold him, I wish I could take his pain away. I hate that I can hear the pain in his voice, I wish I could hear him healthy just one time. He still makes me laugh and I LOVE that! John and Chad are the only two people that can legitimately crack me up. I love that he can still do that. I work hard not to let him know I am upset. Sometimes I can’t say much, because I might show it. Why do I think it’s such a bad thing to let him know I am sad for him? I need to find a good balance between the two.
Today, I vowed to not let myself get into the dark place I was in yesterday. I know those days will come and go, I just don’t want it to consume me. I still want to be the happy, caring girl I am. I know I will have bad days, I am not kidding myself, but I don’t want them to be all the time. On my way to work I prayed for my brother, oh how I pray for my brother these days!! I pray for healing and most of all, for him to come to know Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior! I also prayed for Chad, as he is taking this harder than I thought. He just doesn’t understand why this is happening to John. He has faith that God has a plan, he is just so confused by it. I want God to use him to help my brother. I also prayed for myself. I need to show the same love and mercy that God shows to me, yesterday this was hard for me. It’s hard to hear someone complain about things right now. I just want to yell at them and tell them to open their eyes, look at all their blessings. If I can still see my blessings, then surely they can. I know that their gripes and complaints are real, so I bite my tongue and try to be sympathetic. It’s hard.
God answered my prayer! First thing this morning my friend, Mike, walks into my office and asks me my maiden name. I said Goddard. His eyes lit up. Last night he was talking to his dad (an Elder of a church in Fairland, IN) and his dad said his heart goes out to a family he heard about this week. Someone had added the family to the prayer list at the church. He went on to tell Mike about the families struggle and how the Dad had cancer in his leg and has been battling for quite a long time. Then, the family was hit with terrible news that his son was struck with stage 4 cancer of the throat. He said he will be praying hard for this family and he knows many church members will also. Mike asked what the father and man’s name was. He said John Goddard. Mike never knew me before I was married, but he had a feeling this prayer request was for my family. This morning I am in awe of what God and his followers can do. To get our prayer request to Fairland, IN is amazing to me. This was God’s way to show me that he cares. I have always known he cares, but today in my struggles he really showed me he is here.
I do want to clear this up for anyone reading this. John does not have throat cancer. I also cleared this up for Mike so the church prays for the correct illness. John has stage 4 esophageal cancer. It’s a horrific thing to hear. I can’t imagine being in his shoes and hearing that I have this myself. I have faith that if anyone can beat the statistics it’s Brother. He is amazingly strong, willing to fight, and so in love with his wife. If anything can keep him fighting it’s her. I was talking to my mother-in-law the other day and said “it’s crazy how much he loves her”. I meant that in a good way. He doesn’t want to leave her side and I know that will keep him fighting. The doctors say no one under the age of 50 has ever gotten this type of aggressive cancer. I say, they don’t know what this 27 year old body and can do! We are going to turn this 1-3 years into 10-20 years! With God’s help and all the Christians I know praying, I know we can beat this if it’s meant to be. God is amazing and he will do amazing work through this horrible time!!
I keep telling myself I have to get ready for the worse, but why?! Getting ready for the worse will not make it better when it comes into reality. If I get ready for the worse I am already writing off the good times I have left with my brother. I know there will be struggles, but in the struggles there will be laughter, hugs, kisses, tears, and LOVE. I want to feel the love, not be distracted about the future. I am going to take this one day at a time. I am going to pray the strongest prayers I have ever prayed. I am going to ask God to show John his strength and comfort him. I am going to ask God to put other Christians in John’s path. I am going to ask God how I can show John who he is and what he is about. I am going to ask God to heal my brother. I am going to ask God to use me in any way he can to help my brother and family in this time. If you are reading this, please pray for us. People keep asking me if there is anything they can do for me. The only thing I want is prayers. I want healing and I want my brother to know God, really know God.
If the worse does happen, then I want to say “See ya later” to my brother. I never want to say “bye”.
Today, I vowed to not let myself get into the dark place I was in yesterday. I know those days will come and go, I just don’t want it to consume me. I still want to be the happy, caring girl I am. I know I will have bad days, I am not kidding myself, but I don’t want them to be all the time. On my way to work I prayed for my brother, oh how I pray for my brother these days!! I pray for healing and most of all, for him to come to know Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior! I also prayed for Chad, as he is taking this harder than I thought. He just doesn’t understand why this is happening to John. He has faith that God has a plan, he is just so confused by it. I want God to use him to help my brother. I also prayed for myself. I need to show the same love and mercy that God shows to me, yesterday this was hard for me. It’s hard to hear someone complain about things right now. I just want to yell at them and tell them to open their eyes, look at all their blessings. If I can still see my blessings, then surely they can. I know that their gripes and complaints are real, so I bite my tongue and try to be sympathetic. It’s hard.
God answered my prayer! First thing this morning my friend, Mike, walks into my office and asks me my maiden name. I said Goddard. His eyes lit up. Last night he was talking to his dad (an Elder of a church in Fairland, IN) and his dad said his heart goes out to a family he heard about this week. Someone had added the family to the prayer list at the church. He went on to tell Mike about the families struggle and how the Dad had cancer in his leg and has been battling for quite a long time. Then, the family was hit with terrible news that his son was struck with stage 4 cancer of the throat. He said he will be praying hard for this family and he knows many church members will also. Mike asked what the father and man’s name was. He said John Goddard. Mike never knew me before I was married, but he had a feeling this prayer request was for my family. This morning I am in awe of what God and his followers can do. To get our prayer request to Fairland, IN is amazing to me. This was God’s way to show me that he cares. I have always known he cares, but today in my struggles he really showed me he is here.
I do want to clear this up for anyone reading this. John does not have throat cancer. I also cleared this up for Mike so the church prays for the correct illness. John has stage 4 esophageal cancer. It’s a horrific thing to hear. I can’t imagine being in his shoes and hearing that I have this myself. I have faith that if anyone can beat the statistics it’s Brother. He is amazingly strong, willing to fight, and so in love with his wife. If anything can keep him fighting it’s her. I was talking to my mother-in-law the other day and said “it’s crazy how much he loves her”. I meant that in a good way. He doesn’t want to leave her side and I know that will keep him fighting. The doctors say no one under the age of 50 has ever gotten this type of aggressive cancer. I say, they don’t know what this 27 year old body and can do! We are going to turn this 1-3 years into 10-20 years! With God’s help and all the Christians I know praying, I know we can beat this if it’s meant to be. God is amazing and he will do amazing work through this horrible time!!
I keep telling myself I have to get ready for the worse, but why?! Getting ready for the worse will not make it better when it comes into reality. If I get ready for the worse I am already writing off the good times I have left with my brother. I know there will be struggles, but in the struggles there will be laughter, hugs, kisses, tears, and LOVE. I want to feel the love, not be distracted about the future. I am going to take this one day at a time. I am going to pray the strongest prayers I have ever prayed. I am going to ask God to show John his strength and comfort him. I am going to ask God to put other Christians in John’s path. I am going to ask God how I can show John who he is and what he is about. I am going to ask God to heal my brother. I am going to ask God to use me in any way he can to help my brother and family in this time. If you are reading this, please pray for us. People keep asking me if there is anything they can do for me. The only thing I want is prayers. I want healing and I want my brother to know God, really know God.
If the worse does happen, then I want to say “See ya later” to my brother. I never want to say “bye”.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
