Most of you don't know this about my dad, but he "lies". He is hilarious and "lies" about his life. He gets things from the gettin' store, he was in Vietnam, he was in all the World Wars, heck he probably has fake purple hearts stored somewhere to pull out one day and tell us he earned them. He doesn't do this to offend anyone that has really served this great country of ours. He has a deep respect for the people that have. My dad would have loved to be one of those people, both of his brothers were in the military. My dad is almost blind in one eye, so he could not join the military. He sure has more stories than both of my uncles combined. He says he was sent overseas without any basic training, because he was so tough. He was on the front line during the day, but the chef at night, because he has great cooking skills. He learned all of his cooking from the military. He is just a nut. Now that he has a 10" scar down his stomach and he is missing part of his leg, I can just hear the stories he will tell his grandkids. My heart broke when he told me that he had to have this procedure done. It makes me smile to know my kids will hear the same great "lies" I did growing up.
Last night as I walked in to see him for the first time, the anticipation almost got to me. I try to be so strong for both John and Dad, as they have been strong for me many times in my life. I kept myself together to walk in to see him. As soon as I walked in and looked at Dad the nurse pulls up the blankets and I see what's left of his leg. Of course, it's all bandaged up, but it was a very hard thing to see. It hit me like a ton of bricks.
Let's back up for a second. When the surgery was over the doctor came to tell Vicki and I how the surgery went and what to expect in the healing process. I got very nauseas and just held a heavy weight for my dad. The healing process seems terrible. I know this strong man can get through it, as he has so many other surgeries. I just wish I could take just a little bit of the pain away.
Well, back to it hitting me like a ton of bricks. I don't think it's the actual leg missing that bothers me, I think it's the pain I know Dad is feeling mentally and physically. Dad is a protector, that's HIS thing. He needs to be provider and protector. I know he can still do this, especially getting a prosthetic in the next couple months. I don't want Dad to ever feel less of a man because of this. No matter what happens he will always be my hero! He will always be my protector, mentally and physically. Physically, I know my dad will make it. He is the strongest person I have ever met. Mentally, I hope we can all help him get through this and show him what an awesome man he is.
I can't imagine what either my dad or brother are going through right now. I can't imagine being told I have cancer. CANCER, the C word, I can't think of anything worse to hear when you come out of the doctors office. One of my co-workers called the other day and asked me how my brother was doing. I was very blunt and said he isn't doing so well right now. The co-worker said, well at least it's not the C word. I felt like I fell into a million pieces. Everyone knows how terrible this disease is. I just hate it! I can't imagine knowing what it feels like to be told you have cancer, and then having to see your parent or child go through the same painful realization that you did. It makes my stomach weak just thinking about it.
My sister-in-law was the best last night. We laughed at how Dad will walk himself out of the hospital, even with one leg. She said all he needs is a stick and he can get around. I said, heck, he just needs to get a twig off the tree. He just needs it for balance. Of course, we know it's a longer road ahead of us, but it was great to hear just how strong she thinks Dad is as well.
These Goddard men hold my heart in the palms of their hands. I just hate, hate, hate this for them and wish there was something I can do. I again, feel out of control.
A friend of mine gave me an analogy that she leans on when going through hard times. I hope I can say it as well as she did. She said that we are like pottery in the hands of God. He has to mold the pottery, put it in the oven to bake, take it out and mold a little more. Then he bakes it a little longer. Every person is different in how much molding or baking is necessary, but the end result is always the same. A beautiful work of art, made by God. I look forward to when we are all beautiful pieces of art in heaven, when we get to live without disease, heartache, disasters. I can't wait to walk on the streets of gold with my friends and family!
I am trusting in the Lord with all my heart.
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